We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
