I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Who died my cat blue again?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
