So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
