I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
