I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Someone came in the potted fern
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
