From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
