Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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