Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
