I should be sponsored by Trojan
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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