$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
