i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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