You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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