Dual....:-)
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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