Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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