I puked a lego.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
