My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I touched a dick in church today
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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