I CAN MOONWALK!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
