Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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