so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
