Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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