Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
