Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Farmville is her only friend.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
