Where are you?
In a non slutty way
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
