He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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