So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
