What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
