he shaved USA in his pubs
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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