ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
