Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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