I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
