I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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