listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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