Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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