I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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