Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
