do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
