how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
