i permit you to call me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
