i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
