No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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