so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
