I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
