She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
