I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
