I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if only i could text you this smell
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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