it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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