Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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