Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
