Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
