"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
