Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
