and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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