Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
