why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
