he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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