If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My feet surprised me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
