im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
