my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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