Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
