The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
