Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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