I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
