I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Randomize
