she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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