i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So much Jack, so little girl.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
