Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
