i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
